GUARANTEED: Your Valentine Cannot Be More Frigid Than This Man’s ‘Date’

Some people will do just about anything to avoid being alone for Valentine’s Day.

One Columbus, Georgia, homeless man was busted Monday, Feb. 9 for breaking into a funeral home and having his lascivious ways with a woman’s corpse.

26-year-old Domonique Smith allegedly slipped into the Hill Watson Peoples Funeral Service, did his best Bill Cosby impression, stole a bicycle and pedaled into the night, according to the Associated Press. A report issued by the Columbus Police Department Friday states that Smith was eventually apprehended and charged with necrophilia.

Police Capt. Gordon Griswould claimed in the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer Friday that the incident had occurred either Sunday night or Monday morning, sometime between 7 p.m. and 8 a.m.

It was the funeral home’s bicycle that got Smith busted for his macabre caper. Apparently, police were simply on the lookout for a bike thief, but after the bicycle had been found in Smith’s possession, funeral home staff discovered that one woman’s body, who shall remain anonymous, was “disturbed.”

From there, a whole lot of bodies became disturbed as the extent of the body’s disruption became more clear.

Police Maj. Gil Slouchick stated:

The results of our investigation and the forensic examination gave us probable cause to believe that this individual had indeed sexually assaulted a dead body.

Already in the Musogee County slamma, Smith was then additionally charged with necrophilia, Griswould said. And that’s one for the record books as far as Griswould is concerned; it’s the first case of necrophilia he can remember, and it sure seems like he’d remember had there ever been another one. That’s something that doesn’t get buried under a pile of past convictions like stealing a bicycle might.

Griswould stated:

This is extremely rare.

Smith was found crashing in an abandoned home. He had the funeral home’s bicycle and several other stolen items there with him, amongst which were multiple guns, televisions, and memories.

Unfortunately for Smith, he was discovered after a neighbor reported a man entering and exiting the known abandoned property.

As of Tuesday, Smith has plead guilty to burglary, squatting, possession of a firearm and possession of stolen property in the Recorder’s Court. Strangely, necrophilia was not listed amongst the charges by numerous media outlets.

Naturally, the funeral home did not wish to issue a statement. They did say, however, that the survivors of the assaulted remains have been notified of the incident.

Spokesperson for Hill Watson Peoples Funeral Service Cedric Hill also stated:

We hold our families dear. We look for the best protection and security for the families we have served in this community for 65 years.

It seems Smith will have to find his holiday lovin’ in the county jail for the time being.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

H/T: | Featured image: via WikiMedia

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