Idiot Bryan Fischer Says Dinosaurs Were 1,000-Year-Old Giant Lizards

Creationists have a hard job. It’s difficult to argue against reality, and they’ve banked their entire epistemological understanding of reality on an “all-or-nothing” bet: if the Bible isn’t 100 percent, completely accurate (save for the parts they disagree with), then nothing is true and faith is a lie.

This all-or-nothing psychological splitting is not a tenable position, and here to act as Exhibit A is the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer, who, during his radio show yesterday, said dinosaurs were simply large lizards that had lived for 1,000 years.

No reason to doubt

Now, there’s some doubt among biogerontologists how long we can actually make a human being live. The human mind probably can’t handle much more than 200 years of life without significant neurological retooling, and the body is lucky to make it past 90 without extensive medical interference.

Life extension and experiments in human longevity are things that interest me, as is human genetic engineering, but I’ll tell you straight humans won’t see radically extended lifespans until 2100 at the absolute earliest, and we may never see them at all given key peoples’ reactions to genegineering.

But here’s Bryan Fischer, to tell people like me — who have modest training in neurology, genetics, biology, biochemistry, and genetic engineering — we have no idea what we’re talking about. According to Fischer, before Noah’s flood, humans had an average lifespan of 912 years. So therefore, it was logical to conclude the lifespans of animals and reptiles were also longer.

This, according to Fischer, was where baby dinosaurs — and adult dinosaurs — came from. His proof humans lived these long lifespans, of course, is Methuselah, because there’s “no reason to doubt” he lived for 969 years. Since some salamanders today — salamanders are not reptiles, they’re amphibians, keep that in mind — can live for hundreds of years and grow to be several feet, he concluded lizards who lived for a 1,000 years would be even larger.

“I’m thinking that could be the explanation for dinosaurs,” he said. “They were just like reptiles that just like grew for a 1,000 years, kept growing, kept growing, kept growing.”

I’m thinking Fischer is wrong. See, even for supposedly immortal creatures, like lobsters, senescence kicks in and they die eventually. The only known organism that can live for “1,000 years” would be trees — for instance, the quaking aspen in Utah called Pando. Pando is a clonal organisms, and it weighs some 6,000 short tons and covers 43 hectares.

That truly is dinosaur sized. Unfortunately for Fischer, Pando is easily 80,000 years old — proving that Fischer’s lies are also dinosaur-sized.

Watch the video here:


Feature image via YouTube screen capture

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