Sorry Deluded Christie: Jersey Hates You And America Really Doesn’t Want You

It’s official–we finally found something bigger than Chris Christie’s mouth: his ego. The Professional YouTube Screamer and occasional governor of New Jersey, although he hasn’t officially squeezed into the 2016 GOP clown car, has been lusting for the presidency ever since he donned that hideous super-fleece during Superstorm Sandy. Even though most national Republicans have since given up on Governor Tony Soprano (even Ted Cruz is looking better) on account of his seemingly never-ending Bridge-Gate indictments and corruption scandals, the gargantuan bully is still lusting for the presidency since he’s all about himself.

Hilariously enough, Christie told Fox News’ Megyn Kelly that New Jerseyians don’t want him to run for president  because they just like him too much in New Jersey:

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“They want me to stay,” New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) told Fox News’s Megyn Kelly when she pointed out a survey showing that 65 percent of his state didn’t think he’d do a good job as president. “A lot of those people in that 65 percent want me to stay.” (Washington Post)

Wow! And this man vigorously opposes marijuana? He has to be smoking some ridiculous Indica. Not to disrupt the facts that only exist in Christie’s over-sized head, but the real facts tell a much different tale.

Here’s a look at Christie’s steady drop in popularity in New Jersey:

Image via Washington Post

Image via Washington Post


Christie claimed  that his approval had “bounced back and forth” during his time in office; in reality, it rose in part thanks to his response to Hurricane Sandy and has fallen pretty steadily since. And speaking of that perennial photo-op for Christie, let’s just look at the reality of Post-Sandy once the cameras left.

For example, as and many as 15,000 New Jersey residents are still displaced from the storm, and Federal officials are investigating Christie’s usage of Sandy funds. In fact, Jim Keady–the man infamously told by New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to “sit down and shut up” after Keady dared poise an actual Sandy-related question to Gov Soprano during a town hall in Belmar, NJ– is doing more than just sitting down and shutting up; he’s running for an Assembly seat in New Jersey. 

From his opposition to same-sex marriage, to privatizing a water supply that would only benefit his wall street constituents, to medical marijuana, to letting Exxon/Mobil (a potential fat 2016 campaign donor) off the hook for billions, to his complete and utter lack of doing anything that doesn’t help his 2016 chances, Christie is about as liked in New Jersey as construction on the Garden State Parkway during rush hour.

Featured image modified by Michael Hayne of

Inline image 1 Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook

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