Here’s 5 Things You’re Guaranteed To Get With The ‘Bernie Or Bust’ Movement

I’ve said it before and I shall say it again: Bernie or Bust is the dumbest political movement since that time I voted my conscience because Ross Perot was born in the desert with no shoes on his feet. I was 18 at the time, my first time voting. It’s amazing when we look back at something we did or thought when we were young that seems preposterous now. You’d think Bernie or Bust is just full of young, independent men who have little history with politics but stand for everything as hip as Bernie Sanders. The truth is…yeah, that’s pretty much it.

It’s not a men’s club by any means and it is nice to see people gravitate towards Bernie as a supporter and a fan of his overall policy positions. It’s also nice when things progress to the point of ugly and the math suddenly becomes next to impossible that the campaigns go their separate ways and move their agendas to the national level. Sanders will continue to push Hillary Clinton to the left and Donald Trump will continue to be an idiot.

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So the thing is, it’s time to cheer Bernie all the way to the convention where he will most certainly put all of his support behind the next president of the United States, Hillary Clinton, just as she would do for him if he were the presumptive nominee. After that, it’s time to saddle up for a war against stupid and beat not only Donald Trump but a ton of congressmen and senators whose time has come to go home. No matter who the nominee turned out to be, the more it looked like Trump was the GOP winner, the lower the odds got for the Republican party to have a good first Tuesday of November. But back to the topic: what about Bernie or Bust?

Seriously? Have you seen the bulk of these people? They live in huge groups and share Hillary Clinton smear the conservatives were passing around 8 years ago. They share headlines and segments from Fox News. They say…They…sigh…Benghazi.  The die-hard Bernie or bust people who believe Donald Trump is what this country deserves if the people don’t elect Bernie have no clue what reality is. They certainly aren’t Democrats. The may not be Republicans. They’re on the right side of stupid. Or rather, the left. The right would be the fascists who stand behind Trump’s idea of a brave new world of hurt.

Bernie or Bust will just be bust, because in the end there is a huge difference between Hillary Clinton and any Republican, especially Donald Trump. But just in case, if you were still thinking of staying home because it would be so productive towards the progress we’ve made to throw it all away, here are five things a Trump presidency is guaranteed to give our country.

5. A reputation as a nation of stupid people

Only stupid people could possibly allow this sideshow to get so far that Donald Trump stands before stadiums full of people chanting his name and looking for his business sense because bankrupting four companies is just “working the system.”

4. Instant enemies

Yes, with Donald Trump’s plan to close America to all Muslims and show that kind of disrespect to the rest of the world will get our bases in Kuwait, Saudi Arabia and elsewhere booted. Trump will say, “good!” as we lose our foothold to control the growth and expansion of ISIS and other extremist groups in the region.

3. A Republican Congress eager to indulge Trump’s narcissism

Tell The Donald how great he is and how much money business will make when we open up the right half of Alaska to drilling and mining. Yes, it may end up being the perfect climate for fertility and planting someday when water on the equator nearly boils itself, but why bother worrying? If we turn it into an industrial zone now we’ll be able to run internal combustion engines until the end of…another hundred years!

2. A Conservative Supreme Court

Trump will nominate whoever the people who know tell him to. They’ll find judges willing to uphold religious freedom laws, anti-LGBT laws, strike down gay marriage, overturn Roe v Wade and give the gun nuts as many unregistered weapons as they can handle. This is what your movement does not only to us for the four years until someone whoops his ass, but to the futures of our children and grandchildren.

1. The Trumps in the White House

Just…turn on the cameras full-time and let us watch. The side-show becomes the main event as the truth is revealed that Trump actually IS dating Ivanka because….He’s not her real father! Her real father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. (I totally stole that from Dr. Evil.) It doesn’t matter if he manages to go the full four years without getting himself killed, it doesn’t matter if it goes eight. We’ll watch him devolve into Ozzy Osbourne with nuclear weapons.

The reality of a Trump presidency is actually no joke. I feel the Bern. I support Senator Sanders. I will also abide by his wishes when he throws his support behind Hillary Clinton and asks for mine at the Democratic National Convention.

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