GOP Presidential Candidates Visit Iowa To Prove They Are Out-Of-Touch Lying Warmongers

Mike Huckabee is a serial rapist supporter, with chronic bad judgment and inappropriate high school locker room sexual fantasies, but he’s here to tell you that he is the ‘only person’ that is capable of taking on the ‘Clinton Machine.’

If you want someone who has fought the Clinton political machine and won, you’re looking at the only person who has lived to tell about it.

He is basing this claim on… well, he’s lying.  According to Arkansas Times:

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He’s never run against a Clinton or against any candidate remotely able to summon “machine-style” support.

Thanks to Bill Clinton’s move to the White House in 1993, Huckabee — a bad loser against Sen. Dale Bumpers in 1992 — got a crack at the lieutenant governor’s seat vacated when Jim Guy Tucker became governor. He eked out a 51-49 win over Democrat Nate Coulter, who’d managed Bumpers’ senatorial campaign. It was THE critical race in Huckabee’s career and put him in place to become governor when Tucker had legal troubles.

Huckabee was one of the many presidential candidates who attended the Iowa Roast and Ride yesterday. The event is part pork roast and part motorcycle ride. The event starts at the Central Iowa Expo (same venue for the straw poll) in Des Moines and culminates 39 miles later in Boone, where they enjoy a pig roast, cornhole and horseshoes.

Not surprisingly, the pig-castrating, gun-toting, motorcycle-riding Iowa Senator, Joni Ernst, organized the original event which serves as a test of sorts for presidential candidates and fundraisers for their super PACs. At this particular event, Ernst gave each candidate eight minutes to speak.

According to ABC:

The candidates and potential candidates on hand for the event were: Former neurosurgeon and conservative activist Ben Carson, former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, former Texas Gov. Rick Perry, Florida Sen. Marco Rubio and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker. All have formally announced their presidential bids except Walker.

Koch-backed Scott Walker of Wisconsin, hailed by The Week as “the gutless wonder of the 2016 presidential race,” is expected to officially announce his candidacy in the coming weeks. When it came his turn to speak, his presidential eloquence flowed like this:

I love a senator who knows how to castrate pig, ride a hog and cut the pork from Washington, DC. Now wouldn’t it be nice if she had an ally in the White House to help get the job done?

Not to be outdone, boot-licker and warmonger Lindsey “if you don’t want war, don’t vote for me” Graham, let this drivel be publicly recorded coming from his mouth:

She rocks.  You did the country a good thing by sending her to Washington. She promised to make people squeal — they’re squealing. Particularly the men. When she talks we all listen. The thing I like the most about Sen. Ernst is when she talks about defending the nation, she knows what the hell she’s talking about. When she talks about boots on the ground, she’s had her boots on the ground.

Ernst served 2003-2004 in Kuwait during Operation Iraqi Freedom as a Company Commander for the National Guard where a soldier under her command was accused of raping another female soldier. Ernst role in the case has come under scrutiny.

The ridiculous statements didn’t stop there though. The totally irrelevant and extremely unpopular, Carly Fiorina wanted to erase all doubt about her integrity by throwing this nugget into the ring:

There was recently a poll this week that asked Americans who they most wanted to see debate Hillary Clinton. I was gratified that I won that poll, and so I was thinking this morning, I really would be tempted, on that general election debate stage, to ask Hillary, if she’s ever ridden on a John Deere tractor [something Fiorina did that morning.]. I know she’s had a few photo ops. But the truth is, the question we need to ask Hillary Clinton now is, ‘Mrs. Clinton, what else don’t we know?’

Because whether or not Hillary Clinton has ever ridden a tractor is totally relevant to the important issues of today and top-of-mind for voters, and certainly is a must-have credential for any serious presidential candidate.

Rubio, who has SERIOUS issues managing his personal finances, dropped this irony bomb:

I don’t make $11 million a year giving speeches to special interests. And I don’t have a family foundation that’s raised $2 billion — a lot of it from foreign interests. But my wife and I work to ensure that we have enough money to send our kids to a Christian education at a private school, and we have a mortgage we pay every month. But you know what my biggest debt is? It’s not to a bank. It’s to the United States of America.


But back to Mike Huckabee…  You know the guy that has been in cahoots with child molesting Duggar family? The family that claims that their son only molested their daughters through their clothes? (Which, of course, isn’t true.) Yeah, well, oddly enough Mike Huckabee said this yesterday:

People are working harder than ever before and have less to show for it. There are a lot of people in this country that are sweating through their clothes and lifting heavy things every day.

Why do they not discuss issues and solutions? Why can’t the GOP offer a candidate that is even remotely qualified for the position?

They are literally forcing us to vote for either Hillary or Bernie.

Featured image is a composite of candidate photos found on

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