With all the talk of email servers and genitalia from the right surrounding Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she’s running for President, the plethora of propaganda and lies that is the Benghazi “scandal” was almost lost in the shuffle. It was beginning to look like a shortage of BENGHAZI! would reach crisis levels before the campaigning truly began.
An unverifiable source, that may or may not have worked for the Republican National Committee, had this to say about the BENGHAZI! crisis that seemed to be looming:
We’re not really sure how the BENGHAZI! shortage happened. There was ample supply for years, and then it seemed like we just started running out.
When asked if it may have something to do with both chambers of Congress, controlled by Republicans, releasing reports that debunked the hype behind Benghazi, making BENGHAZI! an unmarketable tool, he replied:
Oh, you mean the truth? Nah, when did that ever matter?
The source stated that the GOP was doubling down on other phony scandals like the President being a Kenyan-born Muslim who once wore a tan suit and saluted a soldier with a cup of coffee in his hand, but they didn’t seem to have the staying power of BENGHAZI!
Fortunately for the wealth of ineptness that is the Republican presidential field, a recently unearthed bunker revealed a stash of BENGHAZI! presumably buried for safekeeping in November of 2012.
The bunker, found inside the compound of a foreclosed Michigan militia camp, was also home to more than 5 million emails lost by the Bush administration, which were unfortunately re-lost before anyone could read them.
The source confirmed that Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin and Trey Gowdy were named the “Trifecta of Stupid” to be placed in charge of distributing the BENGHAZI! to hateful Facebook pages like Stop Hillary 2016 and Barrack Obama’s Dead Fly, with the remainder to be distributed by Fox News:
We should have enough BENGHAZI! now to last right through the general election in 2016. It may not matter to reasonable people who will actually learn about the candidates and vote based on what’s important to them and their country, but to the imbeciles we pander to, it’s an absolute gold mine.
The stash is said to consist of millions of extra shiny BENGHAZI!s to keep the haters hating and refusing to sign up for health insurance. The source also said that the Koch Brothers were especially excited, since the cost of purchasing that much BENGHAZI! would have put a serious dent in the billion dollars they plan to waste while Hillary gets elected anyway.
Featured Image: Ohiopundit.com