A Very Compelling Theory That Donald Trump Is Trolling Us All…Hard (OP-ED)

Have you ever been a troll? There are without a doubt varying degrees of trolls, so it may seem like a loaded question, so let me re-phrase: Have you ever done something on the internet to really just mess with people for no other reason than it’s funny? If so, you’ve been a troll. Now just imagine you’re Donald Trump, doing something like that on such an epic scale that nobody would ever forget it.

To pull something like that off, you’d have to have several things going for you. You would have to be incredibly narcissistic. You’d have to have name recognition. Most importantly, you would have to be able to get supporters to crawl out from under their rocks and un-tether the hound from the trailer for a walk to town. In other words, you would have to be THEE Donald J. Trump and you would have to be able to do and say the dumbest things ever conceived and pass them off as actual political posturing.

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What would it take, really, for someone with a ton of money and time on their hands to single-handedly upend the Republican party one candidate at a time until all that are left are the voters. Unfortunately, there’s a little issue with that. You see, there’s a little-talked about statistic that haunts Donald Trump, and that is that more Republicans would refuse to vote for him than would support for him:

That’s a fairly important category. It’s so significant that an initial analysis of the electoral college would see Hillary Clinton elected in a landslide that will see states turn blue for the first time ever. The down-ballot voting ramifications for the future of the Republican party are possibly insurmountable. The Democratic breakdown of 2014 will look like child’s play next to GOPocalypse 2016. Things have certainly changed since this scenario, but one thing hasn’t: Trump is still that one candidate who has more people refusing to vote for him than supporting him:

Donald Trump isn’t stupid. He knows where he is right now and he’s playing it perfectly. He’s pandering to the idiots, selling fear, tossing his weight around like a tough guy and allowing everyone to be openly racist all they want. That should about lock up the nomination on the backs of the base Republicans have worked so hard to cultivate. The party will be the laughing-stock of politics around the world. Donald Trump pulling off a GOP victory only proves a point. These people are friggin nuts.

So is Trump running the ultimate troll? There are some compelling reasons to think so. First and foremost, I have to believe that the years of  the highest Trump influence and the Clintons go hand in hand. Second, Trump has to know that the stupid things he says may win him the GOP nomination, but they are about to backfire. He hides well among fools — unfortunately he can only hide there. Trump has done a marvelous job so far of frustrating the establishment of the GOP. He bullied Jeb Bush off the stage and out of politics, possibly forever. He attacks Marco Rubio like a school child, and it’s working. Ted Cruz’s condescending grin has no effect on The Donald.

Where do you go from there? You’ve sewn up the Republican nomination and now it’s time to take the 4th-grade vocabulary to the smart side of the table. People who understand that the economy and jobs, not ISIS and undocumented immigrants, are the issues we need to focus on. Climate change and income inequality can’t be answered with “you’re not a tough guy, you should dress nicer, look at her face, low energy person” or “that’s not gonna make America great again.”

That doesn’t really matter, though, because mission accomplished. Donald Trump is free to go back to being the greatest star reality TV has ever known. The guy who conned the Republican party. And the poor Republicans wouldn’t be able to do a thing about it, because come the next election, they’re gonna need those same boneheads who got them into this predicament to begin with. They’ll just have to sit back while Donald Trump, the Republican nominee for president, talks about how great Planned Parenthood is or how we really shouldn’t care that much about gay marriage. He’s already dropped most of the Biblical rhetoric, mostly because he’s horrible at it. Before long Trump will be your center-right cousin.

Whether it’s all a big joke being perpetrated on the Republican party or the real-life desires of an absolute lunatic, Donald Trump has certainly succeeded in captivating the loneliest, saddest portion of our society, uniting them in a single movement of hate while at the same time enraging anyone with an IQ over 90. The battles have moved on, and Super Tuesday shows massive gains for Donald Trump.

If it were anyone else at this point, pundits on either side would be predicting a candidate with Trump’s lead and momentum to run the table and walk into the Republican National Convention a clear winner. Not Trump. Keep watching; keep listening; keep tuning in. Donald Trump has said the dumbest things anyone could ever say and he will STILL manage to outdo himself again and again and again.


Featured image via Gage Skidmore

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