5 Reasons Why Obama Is “Worst Dictator Ever” as Texas Survives Operation Jade Helm

On September 15th, Operation Jade Helm came to an end. You wouldn’t have known it though–there was no announcement on Fox and nothing was mentioned on the Right Wing Blogs. You would think that this great victory of Texas over the United States of America would have been on Fox News as a breaking story, but not a word was uttered. Operation Jade Helm 15 was just supposed to be another military exercise, like every other one that came before it that no Republican cared about ever, until there was a black president.

Every single Republican news and opinion outlet insisted that this was an invasion of Texas by the rest of the country, because we hated their freedom. Right up until it happened, then suddenly Fox quit covering it.

Clearly Obama failed his role as Dictator Muslim Atheist in Chief, since Texas still exists and is not named New Iran. Here are some of the highlights:

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1: ZERO guns were confiscated during the operation. This was the entire point of the thing, right?

2: ZERO heterosexual people were forced into government mandated gay marriages. We knew this was coming right after they lost their guns.

3: ZERO percent increase in applications for food stamps. After the gay marriages, now you are shopping for two.

4: ZERO bullets fired at any American civilian. There were however, shots fired by civilians at the military. It is worth remarking that the military did not return fire. What kind of dictator has troops that are afraid to kill their own citizens?

5: ZERO coverage on Fox News of the aftermath. You know if so much as a mouse farted sideways in the middle of the night, Fox would have melted your TV with the incessant coverage of it. There has not been one peep from them.

This has been pretty much the most unsuccessful government initiated mass-execution of citizens in human history. All those millions of FEMA coffins that Glenn Beck has satellite pictures of are going to go to waste. Obama is a failed dictator. The only thing left for us to do is to take all of the emails that our drunk Republican uncle and idiot Libertarian cousin have sent about this and reply to them with a complaint: What are we supposed to do with all the pallets of creamed corn, toilet paper and bullets we bought to prepare for the war that never happened?


Featured Image: Courtesy of bossip.com


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