10 Reasons To Mock Ted Cruz That Have Nothing To Do With Him Being Born In Canada

OK, liberals, we need to have a talk. Recently, some of you have been engaging in activities that I find rather disheartening. Yes, I’m talking about Ted Cruz “birthers.” While this sort exists on both sides of the aisle, with both Donald Trump and Whoopi Goldberg expressing doubts about Cruz’s eligibility to become President, we’re better than this.

If you were willing to accept President Obama’s Constitutional eligibility to be President, there is no reason to cast doubt on Cruz’s. Was he born in Canada? Yes. Absolutely.

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However, while the Constitution is not clear about what it means to be a “natural born” citizen, the matter was settled when questions arose about John McCain’s eligibility, as he was born in the Panama Canal Zone.

Both Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama co-sponsored an April 2008 resolution that said, “John Sidney McCain, III, is a ‘natural born Citizen’ under Article II, Section 1, of the Constitution of the United States.”

When polled by Politifact, several legal experts agreed that someone is a “natural born” citizen if they have citizenship at birth and don’t have to go through a naturalization process. While Cruz had both American and his recently-cast-off Canadian citizenship at birth, he is still a natural born citizen, according to the Constitution.

Frankly, it’s embarrassing to watch people with whom I agree on many issues prattle on about Cruz’s supposed ineligibility. It’s not like he’s a threat. He’s virtually un-electable.

Look, there are plenty of reasons to hate Ted Cruz. The next time you think about asserting that Cruz is not eligible to be our President, just point out some of the stupid and horrible things he has done and said, instead. It will be much easier on our collective Facebook news feeds. [Author’s Note: I am deliberately not embarrassing my friends by posting screenshots of some examples.]

Let’s take a look at just ten of the legitimate reasons to think Ted Cruz is a waste of human skin:

1.) Cruz’s Agonizing 21-Hour Filibuster of Freedumb

Ted Cruz stood for 21 hours in opposition of the Affordable Care Act in a filibuster-style temper tantrum that ultimately accomplished nothing — nothing besides providing fresh material for the rest of us to laugh at.

During Cruz’s nearly full-day rant, we learned that his father “invented…green eggs and ham,” that Cruz likes White Castle burgers, and that supporting Obamacare is exactly like allowing the Nazis to “dominate the continent of Europe.”

2.) He Thinks Obama Wants to Kidnap Him

At the 2013 Values Voters Summit, Cruz explained that President Obama wants to kidnap him and send him to Syria:

So this afternoon President Obama has invited the Senate Republicans to the White House. So after leaving here, I’m going to be going to the White House. I will make a request. if I’m never seen again, please send a search and rescue team. I very much hope by tomorrow morning I don’t wake up amidst the Syrian rebels.

3.) He Genuinely Believes George Soros Is Spearheading a Global Effort to Eliminate Golf

In a 2012 article on his senate campaign web site, Cruz explains that Agenda 21, a twenty-year-old conspiracy theorist favorite non-binding resolution signed by 178 countries (including the United States), is really a plot to “abolish “unsustainable” environments, including golf courses, grazing pastures, and paved roads.”

He says that Agenda 21 “dehumanizes individuals by removing the very thing that has defined Americans since the beginning—our freedom,” and says that the man behind it is Tea Party favorite monster-hiding-under-the-proverbial-bed, George Soros:

The originator of this grand scheme is George Soros, who candidly supports socialism and believes that global development must progress through eliminating national sovereignty and private property.

4.) Cruz Thinks That Global Warming is Fake Because it Snowed in New Hampshire

In an appearance on Seth Meyers’ late night show, Cruz explained that global warming is fake because it snowed.

I just came back from New Hampshire where there’s snow and ice everywhere. And my view actually is simple. Debates on this should follow science and should follow data. And many of the alarmists on global warming, they’ve got a problem because the science doesn’t back them up. And in particular, satellite data demonstrate for the last 17 years there’s been zero warming, none whatsoever. It’s why, you remember how it used to be called global warming, and then magically the theory changed to climate change?

“The reason is, it wasn’t warming. But the computer models still say it is, except the satellites show it’s not,” Cruz concluded.

Of course, there are mountains of evidence to support climate change, but all of that evidence is fake. Just ask Cruz. He’s chair of the Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness, after all.

5.) He Thinks Obama Will Start Quartering Soldiers In Americans’ Homes

“This is an administration that seems bound and determine to violate every single one of our bill of rights. I don’t know that they have yet violated the Third Amendment, but I expect them to start quartering soldiers in peoples’ homes soon,” Cruz said at the Value Voters Summit in 2013…because why not?

6.) He Scares the F*ck Out of Children

Who can forget the time his vitriolic rhetoric convinced a small child the world is actually on fire?  When she asked Cruz, “The world is on fire?” he could have responded reassuringly, but instead, he replied:  “Yes! Your world is on fire!” Poor kid.

7.) He’s Running For President, But Didn’t Buy His Own Domain Name

Cruz may think he’s the perfect candidate for President, but visitors to tedcruz.com wouldn’t know it. The site reads “SUPPORT PRESIDENT OBAMA/IMMIGRATION REFORM NOW!”

Must. Be. Embarrassing.

8.) He Rejected Obama’s Surgeon General Nominee For Being “Anti-Gun”…During The Ebola “Crisis”

Cruz opposed the nomination of Dr. Vivek Murthy during what Republicans were calling the “Ebola crisis” — a fear tactic utilized by candidates during the 2014 elections. Ebola seemed to have been magically cured on election day, but at the time conservatives were clamboring for the nomination of a new Surgeon General, Ebola czar, or something — anything — to solve their imaginary emergency.

Murthy may have graduated magna cum laude from Harvard with a degree in Biochemical Sciences, and may have earned his MD from Yale, but he once tweeted that “Guns are a health care issue.” In other words, he’s pure evil.

After Rand Paul blocked the nomination, Cruz backed up his fellow conservative: “Of course we should have a surgeon general in place. And we don’t have one because President Obama, instead of nominating a health professional, he nominated someone who is an anti-gun activist.”

9.) His Dad’s An Obama ‘Birther’

In 2012, Cruz’s father — whose name Ted invokes in nearly every speech — suggested that the President “go back to Kenya,” which is not the place of his birth.

10.) He Thinks Communists Have Taken Over Harvard

In 2013, Cruz accused Harvard of harboring a dozen Communists. Cruz said that Obama would have “made a perfect president of Harvard Law School.” His reason is simple: When Cruz was in attendance at the school, “There were fewer declared Republicans in the faculty when we were there than Communists! There was one Republican. But there were twelve who would say they were Marxists who believed in the Communists overthrowing the United States government.”


See, folks? There are plenty of reasons to mock and belittle Cruz without pushing the false narrative that his Canadian birth makes his ineligible for the office of President. He’s vastly unqualified for a number of reasons — but that’s not one of them.

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