Saturday morning, in perfect form, Kellyanne Conway fired up the irony machine and got down to her job: Sucking up to Donald Trump. Sure, her official title is “Counsel” to the president, but her duties there are clearly negligible. I think we can all agree nobody is actually counseling that guy. Instead, Trump has created for himself an echo chamber in which everything he does is good. Any input matches the predetermined result.
But what if he’s the reason something needed fixing to begin with? That’s what Conway addressed on Twitter Saturday, and the results were hilarious and sad:
— Kellyanne Conway (@KellyannePolls) July 15, 2017
I think she might have actually broken the recently-patented Trump Irony Meter™. Trump intervened in a visa case for the all-girl Afghan robotics team, and here’s Kellyanne thanking him for fixing the problem which was totally his fault.
Aside from the fact that Donald Trump is literally the definition of “all talk,” the action taken here wouldn’t have been needed if Trump himself hadn’t spent the last two years fomenting the worst kind of hatred toward Muslims imaginable. Although Afghanistan itself isn’t on Trump’s “travel ban” list, the directives he has given to agencies regarding the processing of Muslim would-be visitors, immigrants, and refugees have made it next to impossible to enter the US if you’re brown and face Mecca while you pray a few times a day.
The Afghan ambassador was careful with his thanks:
Seventeen years ago, this would not have been possible at all.”
That’s true — Seventeen years ago, Afghanistan was under Taliban rule. Girls didn’t even go to school, let alone enter robotics competitions. What Hamdullah Mohib failed to mention is that TWO years ago, it totally would have been possible under Obama’s policies. The last administration celebrated everything about the story of these young engineers: the fact that they were all girls, the fact that the girls pursued STEM interests, and the fact that they were representing a formerly oppressive country as emissaries of peace and goodwill.
Twitter, as usual, was quick to point out the fatal flaw in Kellyanne’s ass-kissing:
If he wasn’t such a racist bigot there never would have been a problem to begin with. He deserves zero praise for being a failure as POTUS.
— Josh Sánchez (@jnsanchez) July 15, 2017
You can’t be serious. He’s the reason for their troubles in the first place!
— Matt McDermott (@mattmfm) July 15, 2017
The only reason this is a thing is because they were repeatedly denied entry by the Trump administration in the first place.
— Tom Bonier (@tbonier) July 15, 2017
Your deliberate obtuseness is frankly astounding. Either that or you’re a complete idiot. Maybe it’s a blend of the two?
— Mike P Williams (@Mike_P_Williams) July 15, 2017
Then people got a little bit more specific:
“The customer you have dialed appears to be gas-lighting with her telephone line. Thank you for using The Telephone Company.”
— Operator Betty K (@OperatorBettyK) July 15, 2017
What is wrong with you? He is the one who barred them from entering in the first place! This is classic abusive gaslighting behavior. Sad!
— StevenBoyer (@SteveBoyer5000) July 15, 2017
— David Quiñones (@David_Quinones) July 15, 2017
But “Betty Cracker” summed it up best, before House Democrat Jared Huffman brought it down:
“Thank you, arsonist, for putting out the fire.”
— Betty Cracker (@bettycrackerfl) July 15, 2017
Um, he was the schmuck who kept them from coming in. Thank you for no longer being a schmuck in this instance? https://t.co/PXqxy3GVY9
— Rep. Jared Huffman (@JaredHuffman) July 15, 2017
Let’s step it up, America. We’re well past the point where you thank your shitty husband for doing the dishes once after dirtying every dish in the house. Unfortunately, Trump still expects to be thanked.
Featured image via Mark Wilson/Getty Images