The criminals in West Hartford, Connecticut sure are hardened offenders. June’s police blotter rounded out the month with the headline “Polite Robbery Suspect Sought in West Hartford,” and that’s about the speed of things around there. But right in the middle of the month, the WHPD released a shocking 28-second video of a balding guy in a Red Sox t-shirt and khaki dad-shorts riding his bike onto the playground of Morley Elementary. His mission? To frame the dirty liberals who were, according to the Hartford Courant, being “disrespectful towards our government.”
Steven Marks, a 32-year-old idiot who actually did this in the town he lives in, told police that he went to the playground to play fetch with his dog (who can also be seen in the video, gleefully ignoring his criminal mastermind owner’s hateful deeds). Once there, he found a marker and came up with literally the whitest graffiti any person has ever seen, hands down:
According to the police, Marks hoped it would appear that the graffiti was done by liberals. Obviously, he didn’t know
our super secret graffiti code that liberals aren’t in the habit of vandalizing f*cking playgrounds. But he did sum it up quite well in an interview with the local paper:
It was just a stupid thing I did at the time. It was stupid, stupid, stupid.”
Yeah, stupid. It was.
Marks turned himself in after he saw his stupid face on the news, presumably because he lives within biking distance of the school, and some or all of the 364 children who attend classes there see him all the time. He was charged with third-degree criminal mischief and breach of peace and released after posting $500 bail. The police, by now used to the deadly criminals on the dangerous streets of West Hartford, said he was “compliant and respectful” when they went to his house.
All I can say is, if he was a real Trump fan, he would’ve blamed it on CNN.
Featured image via David McNew/Getty Images