Scientific Research Shows The Actual Jesus Not Looking Like What Republicans Would Hope (IMAGE)

Most Republicans depict Jesus with blue eyes and a fair tone, as though he were Frank Sinatra on holiday in Ipanema. However, he was a 33-year-old Middle Eastern Jewish man from the region of Galilee, which borders modern-day Lebanon and Syria. So if he were to return to earth (or America), then chances are he would be turned away for being a member of ISIS posing as a Syrian refugee.

Richard Neave, a retired medical artist, used a variety of science to make the most accurate guess at how Jesus might have looked like. Unlike western images that depict a white guy with flowing hair like a metal band out of the 80s, Jesus likely had a dark complexion, dark eyes and dark, curly hair. Almost like one of those scary Muslims.

Employing techniques from  forensic anthropology — normally used to solve crimes–Neave used evidence like skulls from the time and place that Jesus lived. He then relied on computer technology to determine how tissue and muscle would have made his facial features appear. Soon thereafter, he created a cast of the skull and layered clay on using measurements from the computer data. Drawings and historical data from Jesus’ time period also resolved issues that couldn’t be determined from skeletal remains, including hair and eye color, and physical build. Drawings of local people from certain archaeological sites point to dark hair and dark eyes. In keeping with cultural customs, Jesus would have probably worn a beard.

So was Jesus the one hipster with a tan?

In any case, here is what Neave and his team believed the son of god to look like:

Jesus as depicted by medical artist Richard Neave (Facebook)

Jesus as depicted by medical artist Richard Neave (Facebook)

The fact that he probably looked a great deal more like a darker-skinned Semite than westerners are used to seeing him pictured is a reminder of his universality, Charles D. Hackett, director of Episcopal studies at the Candler School of Theology in Atlanta, told Popular Mechanics. And [it is] a reminder of our tendency to sinfully appropriate him in the service of our cultural values.

Does this mean Fox News will end the war on Christmas now that Jesus looks more like a scary Syrian refugee? Also, why is he not on a piece of toast. Regardless, this newly discovered research is quite amazing,  offering us a greater glimpse into the man who preached tolerance and forgiveness. In other words, everything that today’s GOP is against.

Featured image via Feltco

michael hayne headshotedited111 Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire. Follow him on TwitterFacebook,   and

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