Christian Sex Guru: Husbands Should Use ‘Fear And Dread’ To Control Wives, Because Jesus

Biblical Gender Roles’ Larry Solomon (not his real name) sounds worse and worse with every word he writes. Solomon has spent an extended period explaining to men that sex is a wife’s duty in a Christian marriage and that refusal should not be tolerated under any circumstance. In the past, we have learned from Mr. Bible Guy that it’s perfectly OK to rape one’s wife if she doesn’t want to have sex or, at minimum, punish her  into submission by cutting off her access to money, possessions, and the outside world and by humiliating her in front of half the rest of the world.

Recently, Solomon expanded on his godly teachings about raping one’s wife to please the Lord by explaining that feelings of guilt caused by the hate and dread in one’s wife’s eyes as he is raping her can be alleviated by not looking at her face as he forces her to suffer an unwanted intrusion on her body. As BGR points out in several posts, “no” never means “no” in Christian marriages, and tears are a mood-killer.

“Focus your eyes on her body, not her face. Focus on the visual pleasure you receive from looking at her body and physical pleasure you receive from being inside your wife,” Solomon writes. “You want to connect with her physically AND emotionally during sex. But your wife is the one refusing to connect with you emotionally, so you have to concentrate 100% on the physical side.”

This is good advice, assuming you have no soul, figuratively or literally. Naturally, it was a big hit with “Mens’ rights” activist and blogger Rollo Tomasi, who pointed to his own blog post that, from a secular view, spreads a similar message to Mr. Bible Guy’s. In the comment section of BGR’s “don’t look at her face and rape is just awesome” trainwreck, Rollo wholeheartedly agreed that women should be forced to do whatever men want.

“Most Beta Christian men (which is to say 90%+) will proactively try to diffuse the sexual anxiety and tension necessary to inspire the ‘desired’ sex you describe here,” Tomassi writes. “They believe the pro-feminine lie that rapport, comfort and familiarity is what leads to sexual desire so they make every attempt to convince their wives that they have no need to worry or feel insecure that any other woman would want them sexually, much less appreciate them for being ‘good christian men.’

But sexual desire is not built upon love and trust, Tomassi explains. “What they fail to grasp is that passionate sex inspired by genuine desire is the result of insecurity, anxiety and sexual tension.” Comfort and security, he explains, are “post-orgasm” effects brought on by a forceful “alpha” male’s advances. Sex is just another “chore” for women if a man “negotiates for her desire” (or, in layman’s terms, “gives her a choice in the matter”), Tomassi explains, adding that “soft dread” is the best way to get some action.

Biblical Gender Roles wholeheartedly agrees with the men’s rights blogger. After discussing the pair’s shared understanding that “you need not be a Christian or even crack open a Bible to see feminism is a poisonous ideology,” Solomon says that Tomassi’s horrible viewpoints are completely valid from a Biblical standpoint.

Solomon explains that in the Christian faith, the “dread” Tomassi references exists as well, as a slightly different term:

You talk about “dread” and I read your posts on that subject. In the Christian faith we have a similar concept when it comes to God that we are to “fear” him. This is not some sort of scary fear (like God is a monster), but it is a reverent fear.

This is why the Bible tells women to submit to their husbands “as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22) – literally a wife is to submit to her husband as she would unto God himself. She is commanded by God to “see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).  The English word “reverence” in that passage is a translation of the Greek word “Phobeo” which literally means “to fear or be afraid” or “to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience”.  In fact most of the time that Greek word “Phobeo” is translated as “fear” throughout the New Testament.

So should a wife Biblically speaking have a little healthy fear or dread of her husband?


“Today most Christian wives have ZERO fear or dread of their husbands even though the Bible commands them to,” Solomon complains. “In fact I would argue that in most Christian marriages men are the ones who fear their wives. Men show their wives they are either afraid to lose them (be alone) or afraid of the prospect of divorce and the financial or child custody repercussions that it may bring.”

While Solomon feels casual flirty and looking at other women to evoke jealousy can be healthy, as long as the conversation is kept to just enough to make one’s wife upset, there are other effective ways to keep a woman in line — one of which is, after you take away all access to money and take away her possessions as he recommends in a previous post, after she has nothing, telling her that she can always leave if she wants to.

I do think there are other ways to invoke a healthy or “soft dread” in a woman from a Biblical perspective.  One of these methods is the “there’s the door” method. If a wife feels her husband is afraid to lose her or that he is afraid of what she would do to him in a divorce (financial and child custody repercussions) then she will never have that reverence (fear) for her husband that God commands women to have in Ephesians 5:33.

So when a woman acts out in rebellion toward her husband and tries to act as if she does not need her husband or that other men would treat her better the Christian husband should tell his wife “there’s the door”.  Will some women be foolish enough to walk out that door? Yes.  But the moment a man allows his wife to put him in a position of fearing her, rather than her fearing him the relationship has just changed from the design God intended it to be.

“From the perspective of sexuality and getting your wife to desire sex with you I advise Christian men to demonstrate to their wives by their actions that there is a direct correlation between a wife reverencing and ravishing her husband and her getting some of her wants met,” Solomon says. He explains that men are required to provide their wives with food, clothing, shelter, and God’s Fleshy Temple, but a man can easily keep anything that isn’t the bare minimum from his wife to punish her for her slight against God. If nothing else works, he can simply divorce her if raping her into submission doesn’t work.

The most effective route is to train a woman like a dog, Solomon says. If a woman “rocks” a man’s “world” one night, he shouldn’t allow her to have things she wants, the blogger explains. ” No – she sees that in order to get ‘some’ of her wants met she must FIRST reverence her husband outside the bedroom and she must ravish him inside the bedroom and this becomes the pattern of her behavior toward her husband,” Solomon says. “If either the reverence or ravishing goes down, he pulls back on these other things so she understands the correlation.”

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