Watch: John Oliver Slams Chipotle For Being ‘America’s Emotionally Abusive Boyfriend’

John Oliver doesn’t feel that Chipotle Grill has done enough to ensure food safety  or gain America’s trust back. He also mocks the die-hard Chipotle fans who seem to not care. Chipotle recently closed its door for four hours to address food safety regulations during a mandatory meeting. But is that really enough – considering the violations they’ve had?

Since July, Chipotle has experienced six food safety failures involving norovirus, salmonella and E. coli. Did I mention there is also a federal criminal investigation looking into the company for the outbreaks? But that’s still not enough to keep people away.

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Americans all over are continuing to  flock to Chipotle, fully aware of the fact that their Burrito Bowl my come with a complimentary side of diarrhea, vomiting and cramps that make you want to keel over. Oliver Just can’t seem to get behind people willing to go back when they know it’s not healthy.

Hold on — they know it’s bad but they want it even more. Chipotle is now officially America’s emotionally abusive boyfriend

Oliver pointed out one Chipotle in Bradenton, Florida that had a live bird in the restaurant. It wasn’t just once either. The staff noted that the bird was a nuisance and did this frequently. Oliver had fun with that comment.

Yeah, I know that bird. He bought a soda like a year ago, and he just keeps filling it up. That bird’s a dick.

I loved Chipotle. As it turns out, I actually frequented the location that apparently had the bird issue and I had no idea at the time. But, guess what? I’m not going back anytime soon and neither should people who want to avoid running to the bathroom every 30 minutes. A four-hour mandatory meeting is not sufficient if they are trying to ensure food safety. But, as Oliver points out, there are still Chipotle fans willing to risk their life for a Barbacoa Burrito, because it’s just that good.

He brilliantly brings that point home with a hilarious Chipotle parody that features a bird eating from the toppings line, a heavy guy defrosting meat with his warm breath and a manager who doesn’t give a sh*t because he knows that they have Chipotle customers wrapped around their fingers.

I’m still pretty sure you’d come back. And you know why? Because if Chipotle could persuade America that 1,000-calorie burritos are healthy — and we actually did that — well, then we can do anything we damn well please. Chipotle: What are you going to do — go to Taco Bell?

Check out Oliver and the hilarious Chipotle parody below:

Featured image via video screen capture

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