Like many lefty writers, my career began as a Liberal Troll (capitalized out of respect for the profession.) Few people realize the deep, dark corners of conservative hell their favorite trolls have to frequent to root out the worst of the far right.
Ugly, scary places like a closed group called, “The Megyn Kelly Fan Club,” which is where this story begins.
Having been quite some time since I took a stroll into Stupidville, I decided to log in with an old troll account and see what was happening. To my delight (not really) — nothing had changed — conservatives were still posting the same crap: pictures of President Obama smoking a bong, links to articles that prove he is in fact the Anti-Christ because Jesus said so, and of course the ever-present arguments debunked by Snopes and Politifact years ago.
It was one of those posts that I decided to visit, because the guy who posted it had a profile picture that just makes me chuckle. White beard that puts Santa to shame, silly hat with ‘Murican flag ribbons all over it and a look of absolute cluelessness in his eyes.
The quintessential Teabagger.
His post was far too long to re-post, but you can read the gist of it here, as debunked by Snopes.
I couldn’t resist. My inner troll came out, and while I enjoyed the short walk down memory lane, having to agree with him (to some extent) to keep my cover made me throw up in my mouth a little. I started by pointing out the Snopes article, pleading that we hate Obama for things that ACTUALLY happened, not for things we read in chain emails:
The line was in the water, and it didn’t take long for right-wing nutjob Darrell to take the bait. (Names have been blacked out to protect my cover.)
You just gotta love those “constitutional conservatives.” Protect the constitution at all costs unless it fails to suit the needs of your religious intolerance.This threw down the gauntlet for sure. Poor Darrell doesn’t realize he just admitted that “stopping his prayer,” (which is ludicrous at best) isn’t something you can blame on the President. So why the misplaced anger? Obviously he needs to grab himself a ride in a mad scientist’s DeLorean and stop those Founding Bastards from writing that whole “shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion” thing into the first amendment.
I gave Darrell two full days to respond, even sent him a private message asking that we continue our lively discussion for the benefit of ‘Murica. Nope. Darrel has moved on to posting other lies on other threads and is ignoring me completely. No other conservatives bothered to enter the thread to support his position, either.
This is what Liberal Trolls do. They take very small steps to shut down idiocy whenever possible. Did my little jaunt into the madness have any real effect? Maybe not in the big picture, but unlike many of Darrell’s other posts spewing outright lies and propaganda, this one went nowhere. Nobody liked it, shared it or commented on it, making it at least a little bit less likely you’ll see it come across your newsfeed.
I’ve settled into a comfy chair to write after a couple of years of living in the swamp of silliness that is conservative social media, and I have to say, while the schooling of idiots is quite enjoyable, having to pretend you’re one of them can be extremely taxing.
If you’re looking to follow some of the Trolls who are still fighting the good fight, have a gander at The Voice Of Reason, Barack Obama’s Werewolf Army and The Mad Asshatter. Look through their “liked by this page” section and you’ll find a plethora of great material that will keep you laughing at the derpitude of the right for years to come.
As for me, I plan to remain retired as a troll, but every once in a while I just might have to jump in and take a swim in that swamp. I’ll drop a hint of the troll I was, in case you care:
~Charles Topher – I just lowered your cholesterol.
Featured image: Facebook