Enough with Cupgate!!!! Right? Yes, I just called it Cupgate – it’s ok – keep reading.
But how? The future of coffee, Christmas, consumerism (and the universe, apparently) depends on the internet fodder surrounding the decisions made by advertising executives for the coffee vendors of America.
Social media is all abuzz about news that Dunkin’ Donuts has released their “holiday-themed” coffee cup. Now, if this cup doesn’t make you want to rush right out and spend your life-savings on plastic crap from China, I don’t know what will!
LOOK AT IT!!!!! OMG. Christmas!!!!!!!!
— WGN TV News (@WGNNews) November 11, 2015
Of course, many are very suspicious of the timing of Dunkin’ Donuts release of this cup. You know, because it’s November and that’s what they’ve done years prior, since the Christmas creep keeps creeping. (No worries, in a few more decades we will be having these discussions in June.)
But NO! That does not matter! There is a link to the heathens over at Starbucks, there just is! Oh, and then there is their use of the word “Joy” because clearly THAT is in “response to” Starbucks and something they can whip up in the matter of a day or so.
Or, perhaps they just happen to follow what they’ve been doing year after year.
— Dunkin' Donuts (@DunkinDonuts) December 10, 2014
— Dunkin' Donuts (@DunkinDonuts) November 30, 2013
While most people are viewing the great cup debacle as “meh,” there are still a few hardcore followers that care. They really, really care.
Like, Donald Trump – who decided to call for a boycott of Starbucks the other night while campaigning for President of the United States. – because that obviously makes sense. Perhaps he just slightly overestimated the amount of controversy that would radiate among Christian conservatives about Cupgate.
And, this guy. . .
So, in an effort to try stay in front of this breaking story, and so everyone can make informed decisions when choosing their coffee based upon the cup it is served, we’ve decided to take a deep dive into the holiday cup market. Hopefully this will help us avoid any future surprises in our coffee consumption and support of the anti-Christ.
Without further ado here is the 2015 Coffee Cup Line Up.
Tim Hortons is slightly behind market, as they have yet to release their holiday cup – it’s ok, they are really “unAmerican” anyway considering they are a Canadian based company. Last year, they issued a press release on November 17. We can only hope they are prepared to release slightly earlier this year – due to market demand. For now, the 2014 holiday cup can be a placeholder. Clearly this cup screams Christmas – with its snowflakes and fur trees over the sweater knit background. Ahhh, CHRISTMAS! There IS a chance this will be the 2015 cup. We will just have to remain on the edge of our seats until we know more.
— Tim Hortons (@TimHortons) November 29, 2014
Then, there is Krispy Kreme.
Krispy Kreme has no f*cks to give. A quick internet search reveals that they either don’t do the Christmas cup thing – or people don’t take pictures of them. However, they did do Halloween themed cups a few weeks ago. Where was the outrage? Doesn’t everyone know Halloween is of the devil?
(They do say that, right? Whoever that they is. I don’t know, I’m still trying to get rid of the leftover black and orange wrapped taffy stuff that no one in my house eats).
Obviously, McDonald’s is well on their way to heathenville. Their cup this year is purple, with a simple wreath. Certainly not as “in your face – f*ck you, Christmas” as Starbuck’s red and green minimalist theme (and really, who ever heard of minimalism and the largest capitalistic consumer holiday going together anyway??) but, just give McDonald’s a few more years. They will figure out a way to do it without anyone ever even realizing they are because. . . they are McDonald’s.
Peet’s Coffee & Tea
Peet’s Coffee & Tea slipped a fast one by us all! In the absolute epitome of Christmas, they released a cup with all the symbols – ALL OF THEM – back on November 6. Well played, Peet’s, well played.
And, I understand if that is where you would like to stop reading. Below will be the most offensive cup of them all, according to Trump and the few Christian conservatives that have their panties in a twist. The one that started this entire internet frenzy. . . the one and only. . .
How dare they make a cup that has no baby Jesus’ on it like all the rest of the coffee cups. . .
Oh wait, we are done?