How does Chuck Norris stay dry when it rains? He doesn’t have to. Chuck Norris decides when it rains. The man who has reportedly counted to infinity…twice…has released the official real American tough guy position on Ferguson and how black people should move forward.
Remember that this is Chuck Norris, so these hallowed words will undoubtedly be added to the bible one day:
A true solution for Ferguson — and every other social skirmish like it — can only be found in changing the narrative. I think I found it — or him — at Pearl Harbor, and just in time for its 73rd anniversary.
You can tell that conservative patriots immediately conjured the image of Gooding, screaming as he shoots down a Japanese Zero and assuring the Captain “You taught us well, Cap. You taught us well.”
Norris did in fact summon the spirit of naval war hero Doris “Dorie” Miller, whose story is filled with inspiration. Norris, however, takes a wrong turn and twists the story to suit the needs and often parroted “deal with it” mentality of conservatives.
Apparently being a horrible actor wasn’t enough for Chuck. He also feels the need to be a horrible human being.
Norris uses this quote from USS Utah mess attendant Clark Simmons as the preface for his position piece:
You have to understand that when Franklin Delano Roosevelt was president in 1932, he opened up the Navy again to blacks, but in one area only; they were called mess attendants, stewards and cooks. The Navy was so structured that if you were black, this was what they had you do in the Navy; you only could be a servant.
What Clark described as indentured servitude Norris convoluted into inspirational teachings for blacks:
What we regard now as racial restrictions, Miller saw as opportunities. So he joined the Navy as a mess attendant 3rd class, but it didn’t stop there. He was promoted to 2nd class and then 1st class and eventually to ship’s cook 3rd class.
Wow. All the way to ship’s cook 3rd class. Norris obviously doesn’t see just what an imbecile he looks like at this point as he furthers the cause of racial inequality by pointing out all of Miller’s achievements:
In May 1942, Miller became the first black man to receive the Navy Cross for bravery in the line of fire, which Adm. Chester W. Nimitz, the commander-in-chief of the Pacific Fleet, personally presented to Miller on board the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise. In addition to the Navy Cross, Miller was honored with the Purple Heart; the American Defense Service Medal, Fleet Clasp; the Asiatic-Pacific Campaign Medal; and the World War II Victory Medal.
What Norris doesn’t realize is that he’s pointing out the exemplary service record of an extremely brave man who paid the ultimate price for his service when he was killed on board the USS Liscome Bay in 1943.
Dorie Miller, recipient of the Navy Cross, purple heart and American-Defense Service Medal, died a ship’s cook 3rd class.
Adding insult to injury, literally, Norris provides proof of how grand being discriminated against can be. Miller was honored not only with a mess hall and a barracks, but with a naval destroyer as well. No, wait, it was a naval destroyer escort, the USS Miller. Miller must have been so proud that these things were bestowed in his honor, in 1973, 40 years after his death.
Ultimately what Norris is saying is that black people should embrace discrimination and use it to their advantage, just like Dorie Miller did:
In the midst of minuscule rights and privileges for African-Americans, Dorie didn’t play the victim, engage in class warfare or even fight for racial justice. He simply led the way through service to his country and fellow-man. He laced up his bootstraps and fought for a better life for himself, his family and his country.
Dorie didn’t engage in class warfare because Dorie died 30 years before the civil rights movement. Had Dorie engaged in class warfare or stood up for the rights of black people in the 1930’s or 1940s, Dorie would have most likely been lynched for it.
Norris then closes with the status quo “get over it and make something of yourself” conservative tripe:
Maybe it’s time we quit hunting for evidence to support our views or conclusions that degrade others. Maybe it’s time we shake the stereotypes. Maybe it’s time to cease the friendly fire on fellow Americans. Maybe it’s time we quit making excuses and blaming others for why we don’t press onward and upward. Maybe it’s time we simply follow Miller’s model for personal excellence and encourage others to do the same.
Good news for black Americans. It doesn’t matter if you’re discriminated against. It makes no difference that you face an uphill battle, especially in today’s racially charged climate. Yes, black people, you too can aspire to be as great as Dorie Miller. You can accomplish great things, earn the accolades of great people and prove that you are every bit as valuable to America as the white people like Norris who live sheltered and privileged lives.
As long as you don’t mind dying a 3rd class servant.
How do you know if you’re a racist? You don’t. Chuck Norris decides if you’re a racist.