Bolivia Closes All Its McDonald’s Restaurants and The Reason Why Is Amazing

In America, McDonald’s and its Golden Arches are more recognizable and revered than our founding fathers, and they may even become sacred if Chris Christie ever becomes president. Heck–we even have a foreign policy theory of conflict prevention that purports that countries with McDonald’s franchises “won’t invade each other.” And since credulity is the only limitless resource left in America, serve us sh*it with a side of pink slime and we’re screaming for seconds.

Obviously it’s not always practical–or even permissible–to avoid the tantalizing glow of McDonald’s golden arches, and surely we’ve all been victim of giving in to fast food from time to time. Our sedentary lifestyle, combined with our complete and utter unwillingness to do some basic research over instant gratification, means we’re willing to eat anything if it means we don’t have to put down our smartphones.

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But the nation of Bolivia are really not lovin’ it and just became total McBuzzkillingtons after becoming the first McDonald’s-free Latin American nation. Does this mean we’ll be invading Bolivia tomorrow?

Via Hispanically Speaking News:

After 14 years in the nation and despite many campaigns and promos McDonald’s was forced to close in 2002, its 8 Bolivian restaurants in the major cities of La Paz, Cochabamba and Santa Cruz de la Sierra.

McDonald’s served its last hamburgers in Bolivia on a Saturday at midnight, after announcing a global restructuring plan in which it would close its doors in seven other countries with poor profit margins.

The failure of McDonald’s in Bolivia had such a deep impact that a documentary titled ‘Por que quebro McDonald’s en Bolivia’ or ‘Why did McDonald’s Bolivia go Bankrupt,’ trying to explain why did Bolivians never crossed-over from their empanadas to Big Macs.

The documentary includes interviews with cooks, sociologists, nutritionists and educators who all seem to agree, Bolivians are not against hamburgers per sé, just against ‘fast food,’ a concept widely unaccepted in the Bolivian community.

Now you might be wondering why Bolivia could possibly hate the convenience of eating rubber. Well, the reason is rather simple: Bolivians feel for a meal to be a good meal that it must be prepared “with love, dedication, certain hygiene standards and proper cook time,” as described by the El Polvorin blog. Moreover, they rightfully feel that McDonald’s is the polar opposite of these things. Indeed, nothing says bon apetit quite like a kid in a visor serving unfrozen frankenfood.

Obviously this is largely a regional and cultural decision and one that the western world will never comprehend or employ, but you have to give kudos to Bolivians for recognizing how vile and anti-culinary McDonald’s is.

Featured Image via WorldTruth

unnamed Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook

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