Arkansas Cop Admits To Shooting Himself And Blaming It On Imaginary Hispanic Man

Being a cop these days is really trying and aggravating. You can no longer just decide to wrongfully shoot anyone, or chuck a teenage girl across a classroom without some annoying bystander shoving a camera in your face. What happened to the good old days of consuming donuts and targeted revenue-raising? Ok, maybe much hasn’t changed there either.

So you know how Mexicans are sneaking across the border to rape and murder everyone? Well, it seems they might have some competition in the form of imaginary Hispanics. Arkansas Police Sergeant David Houser caused quite a stir last month after alleging that he was shot multiple times during a traffic stop by a “Hispanic man with little to no hair.” A flurry of tips poured into the police department from many concerned citizens, with one reporting they had spotted the suspect. Notwithstanding, the police department wasn’t able to capture the suspect.

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Of course, this had less to do with the police sucking at their job and more to do with the Hispanic man being made up. 

Indeed, Officer Houser finally admitted that he had fabricated his entire account of pulling over an early 2000 model Tahoe or Yukon, whose driver “pointed a .40 caliber semi-automatic handgun out of the window” and fired, hitting the officer in his bullet proof vest. Further, Houser even fabricated his story about exchanging fire with the suspect. Now,  Houser claimed he couldn’t get a clear reading on the truck’s license plate due to it being “obstructed with what appeared to be a tinted cover.” However, it was actually hard to read because it didn’t exist, neither did the “Hispanic man.”

Everyone knows that the only way to stop a bad imaginary Hispanic with a gun is a good imaginary Hispanic with a gun.

In reality, it was Houser who shot himself:

It’s every chief’s worst nightmare to get a call that your officer has been shot or involved in a shooting,” England Police Department Chief Nathan Cook said. “To investigate and find out it’s self-inflicted just puts a whole different spin on it.

In short, police should be very vigilant of imaginary Hispanics, or at least learn how to bull sh*t more effectively.


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